Well, congratulations are in order; you have lived long enough to see this third post in our captivating series on the ins and outs, ups and downs, and dos and don’ts of retirement life. If you are hard pressed to remember anything of value that was said in our first two episodes, do not despair. The fact that your memory is failing is not necessarily an indicator of approaching senility. Scientists assure us that such memory loss is completely normal, and as usual, they have an impressive array of statistics to back up their claims.
They tell us that a person typically forgets about half of
newly learned information within an hour.
They tell us that, within 24 hours, people forget 70%. They tell us that within a week, up to 90% is
lost if not reinforced. They tell us
many things, but unfortunately, I remember very few of them, as I did my
research more than a month ago. To be
frank, I don’t even remember who they were, but I hope they didn’t stay
too long. Such insufferable know-it-alls.
Yes, our memories often fail us, especially the further back
in time we travel. It has been theorized
that a man of retirement age typically remembers only 2.5% of the things he
learned in high school. To put this
theory to the test, I examined my personal memories of high school chapel.
The students in my high school attended a weekly chapel
service on Wednesday mornings. Given a
9-month school calendar, along with holiday breaks and occasional absences, the
typical student experienced approximately 30 chapel services each year, or 120 services
throughout a 4-year high school program.
If the scientific theory is correct, I should be able to remember 3 out
of the 120, which would be exactly 2.5%.
Can I remember 3 of the special guests at our Wednesday morning chapels? It turns out I can, as I shall now prove to
you.
- I remember the Rev. Paul B------, an intimidating man already well known to the students as our teacher of New Testament Studies. (Woe to the freshman who faltered in reciting the itinerary of the Apostle Paul’s four missionary journeys!) Rev. B------ made one appearance at the speaker’s podium during a chapel service in my senior year, and while I don’t recall the exact words of his message, I do know we were all on our best behavior lest we suffer his wrath. Looking back on it, I think he would also have been a great teacher of Old Testament Studies.
- I remember having Abraham Lincoln as a guest speaker during a chapel service my sophomore year. Not the actual Abraham Lincoln, of course, but a Lincoln impersonator, or as he preferred to be called, a Lincoln reenactor. Naturally, we students little noted nor long remembered what he said there, but do you really think I would forget a visit from Old Abe? Honestly!
- I remember a young man who was a guest chapel speaker during my junior year. Let’s call him Ralph, for lack of a better name (and there are few better.) Ralph spoke of his recent experience riding his bicycle on a marathon tour through all 48 contiguous states. This was a solo ride, before satellite navigation, before Google Maps, and before electric bicycles. During the Q&A, I clearly remember one of the students asking Ralph, “What training did you do to prepare for your ride?” To which Ralph replied, “None. I figured I’d get in shape as I went along."
And as luck would have it, Ralph’s story neatly aligns with today’s
retirement tips from The Briefing:
Tip #77 - “Be flexible in your retirement plans; it’s okay
to refine them as you go along.”
Newly retired, or planning to retire soon, but you don’t yet
have your detailed Retirement Plan in order?
No worries, dear friend – you’ll have plenty of time in retirement to
get your act together. Ralph recognized
it was okay to train as he went; the same is true for your retirement planning
as well.
Tip #8 – “A road trip is a great way to blend familiar
passions and fresh discoveries.”
Ralph knew the value of a good road trip, but do you know who else did? Jesus and his disciples – they were always on the go! And how about the Apostle Paul? Rev. B------ could teach you a thing or two about that. Of course, not all retirees are up for the challenge of a cross-country bicycle trip (with the exception of my college classmate Rod, now riding from Maine to Washington), but a car works at least as well for the rest of us. Make use of that driver’s license now while you’ve still got it!
Having just returned this week from a 5,000+ mile trip of my
own, I can share from my own experience a few favorites that pair well
with a road trip:
- National Parks
- Minor league baseball games
- Shakespeare festivals
- Staying awake behind the wheel
It’s that last one that’s the challenge, is it not? Aside from enabling adaptive cruise control
and automated lane-keeping assist, I recommend an audio playlist filled with
old Broadway show tunes to keep you awake, alive, and singing along. Imagine breaking into that bold baritone
opening “Oooooooooooh-klahoma” as you and the wind come sweeping down the plain. Unfortunately, I was driving a little further
north, across Nebraska, and the opening strains of “Neeeeeeeeeeh-braska” sound
more like a long prelude to a particularly raucous sneeze than anything else,
but whatever keeps you awake. You should
try it yourself sometime – wouldn’t it be loverly?
If you are contemplating a road trip, let me recommend the
great state of Utah. They have a
world-class Shakespeare festival in Cedar City, two competitive minor league
baseball teams, and five spectacular national parks. The only thing they don’t have is an
authentic quesadilla, not that there’s anything wrong with that. I mean, I don’t want to be prejudiced about it
or anything; after all, who am I to say that my Southern California
understanding of a quesadilla is the “authentic” one? And to be honest, I’ve only ever seen Utah
quesadillas on two separate occasions, so who’s to know? All I’m saying is that I would have called
them meat pies instead of quesadillas, and they seemed to have more in common
with an Iowa Maid-Rite sandwich than anything you would order at a Mexican
restaurant. Let me know if your
experience differs.
That’ll do for today; we could say more, but we’d forget
half of it before the hour is out. Enough is as good as a feast. Thank you Ralph, if that’s your real name,
for being such a memorable speaker. Ride
carefully, Rod; watch out for sleepy drivers.
Until next time,
David
6/11/25
PostScript. I know
what some of you are thinking after reading 3 consecutive posts of this ilk. You suspect that I have a singular obsession
with a particular old children’s film.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
As those who know me can attest, I am obsessed with many films, not just
one. Furthermore, Mary Poppins is
not primarily a film for children; I shall be only too glad to fight those who
claim otherwise.
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